Everyone has a different approach to parenting. How you decide to parent your child can come from a combination of factors, but mainly your parenting style comes from how you were raised. There are four basic parenting styles.

Knowing which one you use can help you to understand why you react certain ways and how each action can positively or negatively affect your child. Likewise, knowing your spouse’s parenting style will help you recognize how they approach situations.

Whether you are married or divorced it is helpful to understand which styles of parenting your children are receiving from each parent. Read the rest of this article »

Every child is affected differently by divorce and their needs can heavily depend on their age. It’s important to know what the basic needs are for each age group, what can help them cope, and what situations the child may be facing at that age. Age groups can be classified into four categories: infants and toddlers, preschoolers, elementary middle-schoolers, and adolescents. Read the rest of this article »

Divorce can be a difficult and emotionally draining situation, and when children are involved the process can become even more complicated. But for your children’s well being, one important thing to remember is to be supportive of the child’s relationship with the other parent. This is sometimes not an easy stance to take, especially if there is still anger or hurt present. Read the rest of this article »

During a divorce and custody battle the courts main concern is the well-being of your child. Ideally you and the other parent would work together to create a parenting plan that suits everyone involved. This is optimal because you know your child best, you have a say in how they are raised, and then it makes it easier for the judge to approve. Additionally, it is much more cost effective to not involve the court in your parenting decisions. In the event you don’t come up with a parenting plan to present to the court, then it will be up to the court to determine how you should raise your child.
In both cases the judge will ask you questions to ensure the best interest of your child is taken into account. Below is a list of some typical questions the judge may ask. These are good things to proactively think about prior to making your court appearance.
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We’ve talked about the importance of creating a parenting plan, and how the individual ages of your children will play a significant role in that plan.  As you prepare to have that meeting with the other parent, here are a few tips to make it a successful one.
Pick a Location
Choose a place to meet the other parent that is neutral for both parties and quiet enough to concentrate on the matter at hand.  This should be a safe place where both of you can discuss the necessary topics without feeling threatened or oppressed.

Set Expectations for Duration
Set realistic expectations ahead of time for how long the meeting will take.  Be sure to give yourselves enough time to accomplish your goals, but don’t spend so much time at once that you’re tempted to become frustrated or exhausted.  If necessary, plan for two shorter meetings instead of one long, grueling one.

Prepare to Listen and be Respectful
Arrive at the meeting ready to genuinely listen to each other.  If all you’ve planned for is talking, that may be all you do.  Know in advance that the meeting will work best if each party makes conscious effort to listen quietly for part of the time.  In addition to listening, prepare yourself to speak respectfully to the other parent.

Be Ready to Admit When You’re Wrong
Mistakes happen, and your meeting is likely no exception.  Being mature enough to apologize when those mistakes are made, or when the wrong thing slips out, will show the other parent that you’re taking this seriously.

Stay Focused
It might help to periodically remind yourself why you’re at this meeting.  You’re creating a parenting plan for your kids.  Focus on your children at every step, and keep the meeting concentrated on what’s ultimately best for them.  To that end, be specific at all times, and don’t assume the other parent knows exactly what you mean.

Relax
If you go into the meeting tense, angry, or nervous, there’s a good chance it will be both ineffective and unpleasant for you both.  If it helps, agree on a good breaking point to stand up, drink some water, and take a few deep breaths.  You can control yourself, and staying relaxed makes it much easier.

Know When to End the Meeting
If either party is having difficulty with any of these, or if tensions simply run too high, acknowledge it openly, and agree to give it another try when you’re both more up to the challenge.  It will help if you’re determined to make this meeting work, but not if your determination supersedes your judgment or ability to reason.

Consider these tips, brought to you by the St. Paul divorce attorneys of Butler & Allen, P.A., and remind yourself what’s most important–not just for the parenting plan, but for your children in the long term.  We’re here to help; if you have questions, or are interested in learning more about our services, please let us know.

As Minnesota family lawyers with relevant experience, we know that conflict at home is never desirable.  One of the keys to a more fulfilling home environment is learning how to reduce the conflict that, at times, seems unavoidable.

A great place to begin is by recognizing the conditions that often lead up to, or enable, the conflict.  Consider the most recent conflict you witnessed or were a part of, and think about what topic or disagreement was at its root.  By pinpointing some of those “trigger” topics, you may be able to better control when or how some of conflicts arise.

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No two people are the same, and chances are, you can see this fact distinctly even between your own children. While they have the same parents, it may seem they have nothing else in common.

With so many differences, it’s hard to know where to start when it comes time to determine a parenting plan. If every child is unique, where can you find guidance?
The good news is, while children’s personalities and likes/dislikes differ, children within certain age groups have similar needs. Here, we’ll describe some of these basic needs and general guidelines for fulfilling them.
Children from Birth to 2 1/2 Years
The over-arching need for children within this age group is trust and consistency.
Children need to learn to trust their world and their caregivers. They need their caregivers to consistently respond to their needs.

A first step, of course, is to be sure children’s caregivers (whether it’s a parent, family member, or a childcare provider) are always there for them. It’s important not only to be there consistently but also to be there in a consistent manner. Deal with challenges in a similar manner, feed them in a similar manner, put them to sleep in a similar manner, etc.

Keep a consistent schedule, as well, with the same feeding and sleeping times regardless of where a child is. Be sure children always have something familiar surrounding them (blankets, toys, etc.)

Finally, this age range is when a lot of decisions about your child’s upbringing are made. Be sure both parents clearly agree on how children will be raised to avoid any conflict in their presence.

Children from 2 1/2 to 5 Years
As with younger children, children in this age group require consistent schedules and familiar surroundings.
But, in this age group, children are also becoming more independent. They need chances to learn and explore, and they need to be able to express their feelings.

Children are aware of an established schedule, so changes to it will be more difficult. Gradually introduce change into their lives.

Children are also more able to understand your attitudes and actions at this age, so even more than with younger children, it’s essential to maintain a positive or at least neutral attitude toward the other parent.

Children from 5 to 12 Years
Children’s independence continues to grow in this age group.

Consistency is still important, especially concerning their school and activities, such as sports, lessons, etc. Be sure they are able to maintain the same activities regardless of the parent they’re spending time with.

A major need with children in this age group is clear communication – communication between parents and between parents and their school.

Another important need during this stage is proper role models. Role models at this age include parents, so maintain respectful relationships. Be sure children have consistent opportunities to spend time with their parent of the same gender.

Children from 12 to 18 Years
As children become the most independent in this age group, it will become more difficult to maintain regular contact and schedules when it comes to time with both parents.

Along with this independence also comes more thoughts and questions. Allow children to question decisions, beliefs, and even your break up.

Consistency in how you’ll handle questions from your children and what rules you’ll have for them is important now. Be sure children know rules are consistent between both parents, so they don’t try to pit one parent against the other.
While there are different needs for children of different ages, many of these needs can be addressed with clear communication and consistency. Be sure to think through your parenting rules and plan carefully, and you’ll be on your way to a much easier transition for your children.

Talks about virtual visitation aren’t new, but virtual visitation as a viable option in child custody cases is becoming more realistic and more common every day.

First, you may be wondering just what virtual visitation is.
Many people think of it as the next best thing to seeing your children in person. When parents can’t have face-to-face visits, they can have visits electronically – via email, instant message, video chats, texting, and more.

Most commonly, it allows parents who live in different locations than their children to be more consistent presences in their lives. However, it has been an option for parents who are incarcerated, parents who can’t see their children because of domestic violence disputes, or simply to supplement in-person visits for parents living in or near the same locations as their children.

So, why is it a more viable option today? For several reasons, ranging from affordable technology to state legislation.

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The Minnesota State Legislature requires that all parents filing for divorce attend an educational program. The Hennepin County District Court requires that children of a divorce attend an educational program, as well.

Educational programs are required because parents have found them helpful to understand the legal system and their responsibilities. If you don’t attend the classes, a judge may refuse to schedule a hearing or grant your divorce. (However, if the children in the marriage for which you’re filing for divorce weren’t born to or adopted by both parties, you do not need to attend classes.)

You should finish these educational programs as soon as possible after you file for divorce. Your children should attend their program within 60 days of you filing for divorce. You must attend the programs before your divorce is final.

Your educational program will be determined based on the type of agreement you’ve reached within your divorce and child custody proceedings. Read the rest of this article »

Learn to help your family through divorce alongside other divorcing and never-married parents when you attend a Parents Forever Workshop at any of the convenient dates/locations throughout the fall and winter of 2009.

Parents Forever is an educational program that guides parents in negotiating divorce-related decisions with the least possible negative impact on their children. The program was designed and tested by the University of Minnesota. It is approved by the Minnesota Supreme Court as state-mandated parent education. Read the rest of this article »