During a divorce and custody battle the courts main concern is the well-being of your child. Ideally you and the other parent would work together to create a parenting plan that suits everyone involved. This is optimal because you know your child best, you have a say in how they are raised, and then it makes it easier for the judge to approve. Additionally, it is much more cost effective to not involve the court in your parenting decisions. In the event you don’t come up with a parenting plan to present to the court, then it will be up to the court to determine how you should raise your child.
In both cases the judge will ask you questions to ensure the best interest of your child is taken into account. Below is a list of some typical questions the judge may ask. These are good things to proactively think about prior to making your court appearance.
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We’ve talked about the importance of creating a parenting plan, and how the individual ages of your children will play a significant role in that plan.  As you prepare to have that meeting with the other parent, here are a few tips to make it a successful one.
Pick a Location
Choose a place to meet the other parent that is neutral for both parties and quiet enough to concentrate on the matter at hand.  This should be a safe place where both of you can discuss the necessary topics without feeling threatened or oppressed.

Set Expectations for Duration
Set realistic expectations ahead of time for how long the meeting will take.  Be sure to give yourselves enough time to accomplish your goals, but don’t spend so much time at once that you’re tempted to become frustrated or exhausted.  If necessary, plan for two shorter meetings instead of one long, grueling one.

Prepare to Listen and be Respectful
Arrive at the meeting ready to genuinely listen to each other.  If all you’ve planned for is talking, that may be all you do.  Know in advance that the meeting will work best if each party makes conscious effort to listen quietly for part of the time.  In addition to listening, prepare yourself to speak respectfully to the other parent.

Be Ready to Admit When You’re Wrong
Mistakes happen, and your meeting is likely no exception.  Being mature enough to apologize when those mistakes are made, or when the wrong thing slips out, will show the other parent that you’re taking this seriously.

Stay Focused
It might help to periodically remind yourself why you’re at this meeting.  You’re creating a parenting plan for your kids.  Focus on your children at every step, and keep the meeting concentrated on what’s ultimately best for them.  To that end, be specific at all times, and don’t assume the other parent knows exactly what you mean.

Relax
If you go into the meeting tense, angry, or nervous, there’s a good chance it will be both ineffective and unpleasant for you both.  If it helps, agree on a good breaking point to stand up, drink some water, and take a few deep breaths.  You can control yourself, and staying relaxed makes it much easier.

Know When to End the Meeting
If either party is having difficulty with any of these, or if tensions simply run too high, acknowledge it openly, and agree to give it another try when you’re both more up to the challenge.  It will help if you’re determined to make this meeting work, but not if your determination supersedes your judgment or ability to reason.

Consider these tips, brought to you by the St. Paul divorce attorneys of Butler & Allen, P.A., and remind yourself what’s most important–not just for the parenting plan, but for your children in the long term.  We’re here to help; if you have questions, or are interested in learning more about our services, please let us know.

As Minnesota family lawyers with relevant experience, we know that conflict at home is never desirable.  One of the keys to a more fulfilling home environment is learning how to reduce the conflict that, at times, seems unavoidable.

A great place to begin is by recognizing the conditions that often lead up to, or enable, the conflict.  Consider the most recent conflict you witnessed or were a part of, and think about what topic or disagreement was at its root.  By pinpointing some of those “trigger” topics, you may be able to better control when or how some of conflicts arise.

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The Minnesota State Legislature requires that all parents filing for divorce attend an educational program. The Hennepin County District Court requires that children of a divorce attend an educational program, as well.

Educational programs are required because parents have found them helpful to understand the legal system and their responsibilities. If you don’t attend the classes, a judge may refuse to schedule a hearing or grant your divorce. (However, if the children in the marriage for which you’re filing for divorce weren’t born to or adopted by both parties, you do not need to attend classes.)

You should finish these educational programs as soon as possible after you file for divorce. Your children should attend their program within 60 days of you filing for divorce. You must attend the programs before your divorce is final.

Your educational program will be determined based on the type of agreement you’ve reached within your divorce and child custody proceedings. (more…)

Learn to help your family through divorce alongside other divorcing and never-married parents when you attend a Parents Forever Workshop at any of the convenient dates/locations throughout the fall and winter of 2009.

Parents Forever is an educational program that guides parents in negotiating divorce-related decisions with the least possible negative impact on their children. The program was designed and tested by the University of Minnesota. It is approved by the Minnesota Supreme Court as state-mandated parent education. (more…)

Outside of the legal profession, custody is simple. After a divorce, who takes care of your children?

Within this simple question, though, other details come up.  Where will your children live? Who will make decisions about raising them?

There are two different kinds of custody and two different ways each can be awarded to a parent by the court.

Below are the ways the Minnesota Statute defines custody and our practical definitions:

Legal custody

• Statutory definition: “Legal custody means the right to determine the child’s upbringing, including education, health care, and religious training.”
• Practical definition: When you have sole legal custody, you alone make the major decisions about raising your child. When you have joint legal custody both you and your child’s other parent share in making major decisions about raising your child.

Physical custody and residence

• Statutory definition: “Physical custody and residence means the routine daily care and control and the residence of the child.”
• Practical definition: When you have sole physical custody your child resides mainly with you.  When you share joint physical custody, your child usually spends substantial time in both your home and your child’s other parent’s home.

Custody determination

• Statute definition: “Custody determination means a court decision and court orders and instructions providing for the custody of a child, including parenting time, but does not include a decision relating to child support or any other monetary obligation of any person.”
• Practical definition:  A custody determination sets forth the legal and physical custody arrangements for you child as defined above.  These orders may include, or may not include, financial responsibilities for each parent, as well.

Coping with a divorce is difficult for everyone involved, but it can be particularly difficult for your children. When you’re not even sure how to deal with the situation yourself, it’s confusing to try to help to help your children cope, too.

A good, simple rule is to be as open and honest as you can about the details of the divorce that will impact your children’s lives, while accepting their emotions, even if you’re surprised by these reactions. (more…)